Snow Is Your Enemy, Please Don't Fight It

Why do people insist on leaving their houses when driving on the streets is an adventure? You would think the sheets of ice on the road would keep people in. Churches across the state were closed, and when churches in the south are closed due to weather, you know its bad.
Do you really need that $4 mocha and to sit around and ruin my magazines? Why can't you stay home and let me enjoy an extra day of vacation? Is it really so hard to spend more than one day trapped in your house? What are you going to do during the zombie apocalypse? You can't run out for a paper and a muffin when the undead roam the streets.
You say you have a 4-wheel drive. Big effin' deal. Having 4-wheel drive doesn't mean you can drive up the side of glacier like you think you can. It doesn't make you a better driver either. I saw as many Toyotas in ditches as I did pick up trucks. Plus, you're a southerner. You don't know how to drive in the snow, you barely know how to use a turn signal. Driving in the snow is a mystery to you, like modern dentistry.
If you are risking your life to come to a bookstore, that means you enjoy books, therefore you should have a stack (or two) of books at home you haven't even opened. If I was stuck in my house for a month and did nothing but read I wouldn't be able to get to half of what I have.
And I would enjoy it. I wouldn't have even thought about driving anywhere today if I didn't need to. My car would still be covered in snow and there would be no footprints in front of my door.
So please, stay home, off the roads and out of the ditches.

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