Pandemonium Cheesecake

Will Roger Goodell and the NFL step up and be the men that they want to be and suspend Ben Roethlisberger for the length of time he deserves? Which in my opinion would be a full year. If they want to straighten things out in the league, then a year would be the correct punishment. They've given long suspensions to others, most notably Pacman Jones, for violating the league's conduct policy. Ben's punishment should be no different, but it probably will. Its probably going to be at least 4 games, hopefully at least 8. Anything less than 4 games would be a joke. Its not like he is a first time offender. I know he hasn't been found guilty of anything, but where there is smoke, there's fire. [Unless you're the Mighty Boosh, and remind us about the smoke machine.] Even Goddell recognizes this fact "The issue here is respect to a pattern of behavior," he said. When will the decision finally be made? Not this week. The NFL releases their schedule Tuesday and w

This years annual March Madness vacation is a bit different than others. Come Monday I won't have to go back to work, which is good (more vacation!) and bad (no job). So I am stuck in the middle, looking for work, while enjoying the time off. One of the benefits of being at job so long is the 3 months of severance pay, but the quicker I get a job, the longer I get two paychecks. Madness is off to a good start, 3 good games, two overtime games. Florida goes down, I enjoyed that. It's not that I don't like Billy Donovan, I just don't like Billy Donovan's Hair. Yes, it gets a capital H, it's a massive piece of engineering which needs to have a staff of at least 3 to maintain. Now its almost 9pm and only 2 blowouts, which don't really count since its a 1 & 2 seed. Again CBS is dropping the ball. Three channels, all on the Georgetown/Ohio game. I can understand not showing the UK game (up 35), but the Northern Iowa/UNLV game is a 2-pointer, put that on one of

Washington DC - In a stunning reversal of policy Democratic leaders have shifted their focus from the floundering health care plan to the production of a time machine. "We sorta effed things up," President Obama said in a Saturday speech. "With a time machine we can go back to January 21, 2009 and start over. Get things right this time by pulling our collective heads out of our collective asses." The march to the promised land of universal health care has turned into a year long slog through red tape and knee-deep pork barrels. Despite the super majority the Democrats held for almost a year they were unable to get anything done except argue amongst themselves. A combined team of scientists from top US universities have gathered at a secret location somewhere in the desert of New Mexico to work on Project Do Over. "A time machine would be the easiest way to regain the lost time," a leading scientist said. "Much quicker than creating a 'super human&

It's weird being unemployed. I had been with the same company for 13 and half years and in the same store since it opened almost eleven years ago. Now, I have no idea if I will ever step in the store ever again. Not sure its really sunk in yet. It seems like a vacation right now, especially since its around the time I take my annual March Madness vacation. Even when I was driving home it seemed surreal. I was a bit numb, but not really upset since no tears were shed. The writing had been on the wall for almost two years now and I was the obvious choice to go. One of the reasons I wasn't really upset was because of the cd I listened to on the way to work, for whatever reason I grabbed the Stones ' Exile on Main Street ' for the seven mile trip. 'Exile' is one of my top 5 albums and if you don't own this album, you need to. It ends the greatest four studio album stretch in rock history. Between 1968 and 1972 the Stones released 'Beggars Banquet', '

Image that, the NFL players union is against testing for HGH (human growth hormone). Yeah, because guys that are 6'5" 310 lbs normally run 4.5 forties. Its funny that baseball gets all the crap for steroids when its clearly the football players are the ones who use it the most. Just wait another 10-15 years and watch all the players from the 1980s-1990s who are dropping dead from prolonged exposure to the stuff. Football is so violent that most players say that they are useless the day after a game and that a short week (playing Thursday after a Sunday, four days) is a detriment. Tell me these guys are not on steroids, the main benefit of which is quicker recovery from injuries and workouts. I'm not saying that baseball players didn't do steroids, the home run stats bare that out, and just wait until you see Barry Bonds again, he's going to be half the size he was and his head will be three sizes smaller. But the players that would benefit the most from the drugs

I've heard my share of stupid questions at work, among them is the famous 'Does this come in paperback?' on a book that is two days old. I really can't believe that I am still asked that question, by now I know I've told everyone in Raleigh -at least once- that 'No, it takes a year to come out in paper.' But today, I got possibly the most stupid question in a long time. Someone asked me what the new Sade album sounds like. Why ask that question? What are you expecting, pre-Warner Brothers Ministry? It's like asking what the new AC/DC album sounds like [AC/DC] or if the new James Patterson book is good [no]. There are certain artists that have perfected a sound, found a faithful base and decided not to fuck around with it. Sade is one of those artists. If you like the sound of one of their albums, you like them all. It also makes it all that easier to sell the album. I can just say 'It sounds like Sade' and make the sale. Unlike trying to sell the

I am watching Curling at the Olympics and we are losing 3-1 to Germany. Still not exactly sure how the game is scored, but it appears to be scored like horseshoes, or jarts (goddamn safety conscience society, we want jarts back!), closest to spot wins the points. With all the money spent on the Olympics you think they could give the commentators a telestrator to point things out? Isn't this 30 year old technology? Shouldn't this be standard? How about a stone tracker to watch the path, they do it with hurricanes, why not stones that slide at 2 miles an hour? Curling doesn't seem to be the most fun game to practice, its slow and methodical, like watching a cuckoo clock. Unlike basketball, where you can shoot freethrows or jumpshots over and over, you just slide stones back and forth, or sweep. How do you practice sweeping? Is there a machine at the gym to built up those muscles? Its also not the most exciting of sports for the average American, which means the only time you

Why do people insist on leaving their houses when driving on the streets is an adventure? You would think the sheets of ice on the road would keep people in. Churches across the state were closed, and when churches in the south are closed due to weather, you know its bad. Do you really need that $4 mocha and to sit around and ruin my magazines? Why can't you stay home and let me enjoy an extra day of vacation? Is it really so hard to spend more than one day trapped in your house? What are you going to do during the zombie apocalypse? You can't run out for a paper and a muffin when the undead roam the streets. You say you have a 4-wheel drive. Big effin' deal. Having 4-wheel drive doesn't mean you can drive up the side of glacier like you think you can. It doesn't make you a better driver either. I saw as many Toyotas in ditches as I did pick up trucks. Plus, you're a southerner. You don't know how to drive in the snow, you barely know how to use a turn signa

Long Island ruined me. Growing up there, listening to WBAB [a classic rock radio station] led me to believe that Billy Joel was among the elite in rock music. Their dependance on William Joel's weak-ass catalog robbed me from learning just how good artists like David Bowie, Queen, The Who and Elton John really were. Not to mention ignoring some of the giants of rock that get ignored by most radio stations, the Stooges, Velvet Underground and the Clash. You never hear 'The Entertainer', 'Miami 2017' or 'The Ballad of Billy The Kid' on the airwaves anywhere else except on Long Island. 'Piano Man' is the only song heard at 5pm on Fridays on any station and a wedding on the Island isn't complete without either 'She's Got A Way' or 'Just The Way You Are' [which is possibly the wussiest song in the history of rock music]. Don't believe me? Really listen to the song, I mean really listen like you didn't grow up on the Island

The TV season starts up again. Thank god. The holiday break maybe be a bit too long but it splits the season up into two parts. That way you get two cliffhangers if you are lucky. Some of the shows I'm most looking forward to: Leverage (tbs) - a great show. Lots of fun. There is a major cast change. Jeri Ryan joins the cast. Which means at least one episode will contain at least one Star Trek reference, if not an entire episode. Castle - best chemistry on TV. Castle and Beckett are great. Here's hoping they never jump the shark with the two of them sleeping together. American Idol - it starts with six car wrecks. Then a month of boring team singing and empty stages until you get to the final 12. That's when the fun starts. Sanctuary (scifi) - because everyone needs to watch at least one bad show with substandard green screen graphics and lousy fake English accents. The Big Bang Theory - the show that anyone with a shred of geekness needs to worship. Dr. Sheldon Cooper is th

Not even sure I should admit this because of the effect it might have on my man/hip cred score (which I would guess is somewhere in the low 60s), but up until last week I had never seen 'The Big Lebowski.' I don't know why its taken me over 11 years to see the movie. If you knew me you'd figured I would have seen the movie long ago, maybe even in the theater. It seems like my kind of movie. And it was. I love this movie. Its not a Top 10 movie. Yet. But it could get there with some more viewings. The cast is perfect, the script is divine, the music is amazing. I'm just waiting for the first time I can use "You're out of your element Donnie" at work, and I was humming 'Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)' in the shower this morning. [Which is a Kenny Rogers & First Edition song?!? Really.] Now I have to start working on some of the other movies that some how slipped passed me.

It's a sad day for baseball fans today. The last man to win 300 games has retired today. Randy Johnson has called it quits. Second on the strikeout list with over 4800, and the scary thing is he's still another 900 short of Nolan Ryan. The Big Unit may be the last person to win 300 games for at least a generation, but may be best known for the reactions he pulled from others. John Kruk's half-assed swings after having a ball thrown over his head, Larry Walker's switch to the right handed box during an All-Star game, and of course, who can forget this. He is easily the most dominating pitcher during my lifetime and holds a special place in my heart because he was the anchor on my AL fantasy team from a long time ago which would have won the World Series, but the season ended early due to the strike. It wasn't just his position on my teams that made him enjoyable to watch, it was the way he pitched, he never wanted to lose and would do anything to make it happen. The

This years Duke team is tough to figure out. I know how good the top 3 are ( Scheyer , Smith & Singler ), but the sophs & froshs are mysteries to me. The only plays they run for those guys are lobs, mainly to a Plumlee , except for the threes that Andre Dawkins (who looks like he's 14) makes more often than not. They have flashes of brilliance, but also look lost out there. Since the Dukies have 4 guys who split time at the 4 & 5, they have been playing more aggressively , which makes them all better. Good thing too because it has taken Zoubek 4 years not to suck. Their team defence can be stifling, as seen in the UConn , Gonzaga & now Clemson games, all ranked teams, so eat that Duke haters. And when the hell did Nolan Smith get so good? He looks nothing like the guy last year who got benched in favor of Paulus . Unless he completely explodes into an all- ACC guy he'll be back next year, which is also my wish for Singler . That Kyle comes back with next

2010, the year I turn 40. That's just scary. A fifth decade on earth is just starting. Let me sum up the past 4 decades in a few words. The 70s. Atari 2600 and my grandmothers basement. The 80s. High school and lots of trouble. The 90s. Paying back everything caused by said trouble. The 00s. Dated some. Did little else. The good news is the last decade shouldn't be that hard to top. All I would have to do is grow a single pepper or tomato plant to maturity and blammo. That's the longest I've ever kept a plant alive. Although this is not completely my fault. I inherited my mothers black thumb. Its helped me kill every plant I own. I'm pretty sure I would kill kudzu if you put it in my apartment. Nothing survives. You think something would flourish after all the slashing & burning. Right now I am watching Tim Tebow and the Gators dismantle Cincinnati. Games like this are the perfect argument about why non-BCS schools shouldn't play for the National Championshi